week 12: divorce.

This week in class we talked about divorce and how there are six different stages of divorce. In no particular order they are:

• Emotional Divorce: when the couple emotionally detaches themselves, they become less devoted
• Legal Divorce: when the courts decide the couple is no longer married
• Economic Divorce: this includes child support and spousal support
• Co-Parental Divorce: this is where custody is decided, legal and physical custody
• Community Divorce: one person loses friends and has to go make new ones by themselves, no more mutual friends
• Psychic Divorce: when the couple accepts that they are really, officially divorced

We also talked about how women are less likely to re-marry after being divorced and the reasons we though of for that are:

• kids: people may think that is too much, they don't want "baggage"
• time: being a single mom and having a job doesn't leave a lot of free time for a woman to go out on dates or even have a girls night, she is constantly being a mom
• guilt: if/when a single mom goes out she may feel guilty that she is away from the kids
• negative associations: new men to date could bring up bad memories or sad times from previous relationships

Hearing these things and talking with my classmates about stories and things we've seen in our own lives made me realize how common divorce really is. It also made me grateful for my parents and the fact that they've been together for so long and that they will be together forever.

week 11: parenting.

This week in class we talked about parenting and some helpful tips that we as future parents can incorporate into our parenting styles when we have children of our own. One of the more important things that I think we talked about were natural consequences and how they can teach children and how we should let them teach our children unless they are in danger, its too far into the future, or if others are affected by the actions of the child. Another thing is that when a parent politely requests something the child is more willing to cooperate. I have noticed that looking back on my childhood. When my parents asked me to do something in a nice way rather than telling me to do it, or yelling (which rarely happened) I was more willing to be obedient.
We also talked about the way children act (their mistaken approach) for something they need. This is an approach that Popkin's came up with. When a child is seeking for attention, it is usually because they need contact and belonging. When a child is rebellious, they are seeking power, they feel inferior to the authority in their life and they want to be more powerful. When a child is revengeful, it is usually because they feel like they need protection. These actions can be prevented if parents offer contact, give consequences, and teach forgiveness.

week 9: solving problems & making decisions.

When we think of conflict our thoughts automatically think negative thoughts, no one wants to be involved in conflict because there is a possibility it could turn bad. In a weird way conflict is a good thing. Don't get me wrong, conflict can turn bad very quickly, but it can also be a blessing. Some benefits that come from conflict are gaining a new perspective and hearing a new opinion. You may not agree with the other persons perspective and opinion and thats okay, but when you listen patiently and sincerely you make the situation more calm and peaceful. Conflict can bring us closer in our relationships. Now that may sound weird, but its true. When we disagree with someone we are exposed to new perspective and opinions like mentioned before, and we can better understand a person when we know their opinions and perspective. Understanding a person can also help us to love them more which we all need. It is important that we remember during times of conflict to have an open mind. If our minds are closed and we are just thinking about ourselves and how we are right, we will not gain a new understanding and love for the person we are disagreeing with. When it comes to making decisions as a couple make sure that everyone is involved, not just the parents. Children should know what's going on, to some degree. For example, if you are married and you and your spouse feel like you should move your family to a new place, you should talk to your children about it so they can feel peace about it as well. It's no fun as a child, when your parents just tell you that you're moving and you have close to no time to process it and accept it. As a kid my family and I moved quite a bit and I loved how my parents would tell me far in advance so I could prepare myself and feel okay about it instead of being upset and confused. We must keep an open mind when discussing important matters with people, especially our spouse and family, when we do that we will be able to make decisions easier and be in agreement with each other.

week 8: family stressors.

This week in class we talked about stressors that influence families and appropriate ways to cope with them. There are two types of stressors, normative and non normative. Some examples of normative stressors would be: death, birth, and moving, along with many others. An example of a non normative stressor would be abuse, physical, verbal, and even substance abuse. The normative stressors that were mentioned are some the more common ones that the majority of families experience. These things just come with life, they are sometimes hard to adjust to, but they make the family unit stronger. The non normative stressor mentioned is something that doesn't happen as much as the normative ones, abuse happens more than we'd like to think, but not as much as death and birth. These stressors can really take tolls on the members of the family and it is important that we love and care for one another during these times of change and trial. We cannot tear each other down during these times, we must build each other up and support each other. These moments can either make or break the family unit, so we must be patient and understanding at all times. Communication is key in these situations, the home must be a safe place where each member can feel comfortable to talk about feelings they are having. No one can be left out, our homes should be a place of comfort and safety, a place where we can get away from all our other problems, and a place where we know we are loved. If our homes are like that we will grow closer as a family and be able to endure the trials of life together.

week 7: communication and trust.

This week in class we talked about the importance of the husband, wife relationship, along with the importance of communication within a marriage. There are certain things that should stay between a husband and a wife, foe example, the problems they have and their intimate times. If a couple goes around and tells everyone about their problems, that will just cause more problems, including other people means including other peoples opinions and those are irrelevant to the situation and the people involved. Also, if a couple, or just one person goes and tells their friends about the intimacy in their marriage it makes it less sacred and less important, and its no one's business but the couples.

We also talked about fidelity and infidelity. Fidelity means being faithful, dependable, and loyal to your spouse no matter what, even when problems arise in the relationship. I learned that there are five different types of infidelity, they are: fantasy, visual, technology, romantic and physical. They are pretty self explanatory, but each of them can easily ruin a marriage. It is important for us to stay faithful to our spouse and keep the trust in the relationship, if we do these things then our marriages will stay safe from destruction. 

week 6: marriage.

After lots of talk about marriage and courtship we dove in a little more the following week. We went over the steps leading to marriage in depth. Talking about everything that needs to be considered and accounted for. The first step is dating, when you're dating it is very important to date a lot of different people, don't just jump into a relationship with one person right away. You need to learn about others, learn about yourself, and realize what skills you have that can benefit another person who you might eventually date. The second step is courtship, this stage is for trying the relationship out. Time to make sure you're comfortable with this person and to make sure that everything would work out if you were to pursue each other. This is when you become exclusive. The third step is engagement, this is when it is made official. You have a decision to make, are you going to marry this person or not? If the answer is yes then you have a lot to plan and a lot to figure out for your future life together. The last, and most important step is marriage. So many decisions come with marriage and the wedding. Where are you going to get married? Who are you going to invite? How much do you want to spend? When are you going to seal the deal? A lot of stress also comes from planning a wedding. When it comes to paying for the wedding, some people are very unrealistic. Some rely on their parents, some are willing to start their marriage off with debt, and that's not a smart way to go. It is important to remember that the people at your wedding and the actual act of being married is way more important than how much you spend and how fancy it is. Some of the cheapest weddings turn out the best because it isn't about the things, but about the family and friends surrounding the happy couple.

week 5: dating & courtship.

This week in class we talked about dating and how dates are slowly becoming more and more uncommon. These days with teenagers and sometimes even college students it's more of just a "hang out" rather than a date. To better understand what a date is we talked about the three characteristics of a date, they are: planned, paid for and paired off. A date is not you and a group of friends just hanging out, even if there is an even amount of people there. In oder for it to be considered a date there must be an equal amount of boys and girls and each boy must be paired with a girl. If dates are taken seriously, they could lead to more serious relationships and eventually marriage. There are other factors that affect dates and how successful they are. Its called the "Know-Quo" and there are three T's in it. The first is togetherness, this means that you do a variety of activities on your dates, not just dinner each time, make sure there is a variety. The second T is talk, there must be good conversation between you two at all times, make sure you are getting to know each other. The third T is time, according to the Know-Quo it takes 3 months to start to know each other. You must spend a lot of time with this person to know if you can handle each other at good times and bad times. Dating is very important and a gesture everyone should practice in order to gain an understanding of how marriage will be so they can be better prepared.